Behold, the words of the Academic Prophet, who comes to you from the dormitory hall!
Woe unto ye, O students of Mercer! For you throw parties and stay up late and do not get a good night's sleep! You trample over other people's hard earned rest and keep them from their studies! Therefore, O ye party animals, ye shall have thine GPA's torn asunder! You shall stay up late and recieve no rest, nor food and ye shall weep bitterly over papers you cannot write and tests you cannot comprehend! And the Professors shall look down on you from the front of the class and demand of you, saying, "Were you not in the library studying as I had suggested to you? Were you instead out having fun with your classmates and squandering your time?" And verily, thine grades shall fall and your scholarships shall depart from you like chaff on the wind.
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